


What The Fuck, Jean

by pinkheichou



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Compliant, Canon Era, M/M, Sassy Armin Arlert, i live for sassy armin, jean omfg, this is pointless stuff because i love it when jean fucks up, yes this whole fic is basically about jean having fucked up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-06 22:46:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11610528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkheichou/pseuds/pinkheichou
Summary: Jean finds it gross how close Eren and Armin are, so one day he decides to confront Armin.What he does next isn't expected.At all.





	What The Fuck, Jean

**Author's Note:**

> Basically a fic where Jean fucks up big time. Hooray! XD

The sheer amount of it has Jean growing vexed. To the point where one day, right after that unduly act between Armin and Eren when they parted, Jean just straight up walked to the blond guy of the pair, caught him by his tiny wrist and literally whirls him to the hallway, finding a narrow spot.

“Oh my fucking  _God_! Can you stop it already?! Can you two just fucking stop doing it in front of everyone? Stop rubbing it on our faces like the idiots you two think we are!” Jean hadn’t halted in his track yet, about to let go of Armin with an abrupt snap, when his rage was already vocalized to words, which were meant to release the irritation and relentlessness and curses that had been piled up inside Jean’s head. He rolled his eyes more than demonstratively and flailed furiously with his hands in the air.

“W-What’s—What’s wrong with you, J-Jean?” Armin had barely called it a success being able to say anything at all from how much he was overthrown first and dragged to the ground then by the wrath that caused confusion knit his brows and anxiety creep up on his face.

“We got it, okay?! We fucking get it! You and Eren don’t have to be all lovey-dovey in front of us, we don’t need to see that. We don’t care what you two are, but oh my fucking goodness seeing how close you two are is actually gross! Gross! Why are you so clingy to  _Eren_?! Why him? Fuck this shit, who would ever want to spend time with this suicidal bastard  _voluntarily_?”

“Wait, what did you say? Lovey-dovey?” There was too much being thrown at him, Armin caught up on everything with a pace of a snail.

“Don’t tell me, as his boyfriend, you seriously enjoy kissing  _Eren_?”

“What?” Armin’s brain was burned down from all the riddles. Jean was basically the first one to throw him off guard like this and after just a few second and a even a lesser amount of words.

“The fuck! You can’t tell me you like it! How gross, you two are fucking kissing on your free time. What’s so interesting in kissing Eren anyway?! Hm?” Jean had grabbed Armin by his collar, prying closer to him, own head dropping to proximate eye level.

Mad hazel met guiltless ocean-blue.

“We… We aren’t—”

“What is so cool about it that you would to this with him, Armin? It isn’t and can’t be that thrilling. Tell me what is going on in that damn mind of yours that you are actually thinking of it. It’s nothing groundbreaking. You’re wasting your time. What. is. so. interesting. about. this.” And that was when, in the most unexpected and least anticipated moment, Jean’s lips pressed on Armin’s.

Just like this. In the ridiculous “heat” (what fucking heat?!) of the moment. Imprudent. Foolish.  Free from any rationality.

_What the actual fuck, Jean?!_

Jean pulled away with eyes ripped open as those words were still repeating in his mind, quickening his heart beat and bursting his cheeks in a deep crimson color.

Armin had similar wide eyes, although his face looked more appalled than shocked out of surprise.

Jean wanted to run the fuck away and slam his head into a wall until drawing blood. The only thing he deserved for his dumbness.

For his utter and silly dumbness.

Calling Armin out this way and fucking it up the worst. Where the fuck did that kiss come from?! He hadn’t wanted to do this, he totally had not wanted to do this at all! Raging about Eren’s and Armin’s close friendship that he was  _certain_  held more to it, and all his brain (with that mini rationality it possessed!) could damn come up with is to just fucking  _kiss Armin_ , because why not, right?!

Jean should seriously go and find a wall to break his head with.

Instead, his legs forced him to stay in place, pointed and heavy on the floor and mocking him. Of course. Of course he wouldn’t get release so soon.

His heated face with that ludicrous stare and those bloody red cheeks kept facing Armin.

Armin, who hadn’t been able to say anything since right before the kiss, palmed his lips with both hands, a horrific gaze being sent to Jean.

Oh, wow, great. Fucked up so well, damn horseface.

“E—” Armin wished to rather choke on his words than explain himself. “Eren and I never kiss. We never kissed before.” There was first redness curtaining his face and an outburst followed. “This was my first kiss ever!”

Jean couldn’t do else than listening to Armin’s wail and slowly realizing that this, in fact, had also been _his_ first kiss.

_Oh, fuckity fuck, damn shit, God please punch me in the ass. Fucking hell!_

His consciousness told him to laugh this off the first second and panic the next; the only of two things that sounded so perfect right now—dammit, where was that fucking wall!

Shame making fun of him in his veins, punishing him by shifting his body to functionless oversensitivity, Jean felt like swallowing a whole rock as he prayed for a little part of his voice not leaving his system out of pure abashment. “I had not wanted to do this.”

He didn’t know whether to facepalm or hope for an easing moment. Neither deemed appropriate in his opinion.

“And here I thought you were lesser of an asshole than what everyone assumes you to be.” With that, Armin left him to abandon, in the middle of the hallway, dashing off without bothering to give him one last glance.

So well done, Jean, his inner voice patted his shoulder.

~~~

The same day that night, when everyone had retreated to the sleeping barracks it would be – of course – only Jean not feeling like sleeping at all. While his friend Marco was lightly snoring next to him, the epitome of the Sleeping Beauty, Jean was wide awake and restless on his side of the bed. A shift to the left and then to the right and then back to the left again had busied him while his mind ridiculed him over and over again, with the memory that was the stupidest thing ever and to no other than Jean did this happen.

 _Why the actual fuck did I kiss him? Why the fuck did I kiss Armin?! How could I express how grossed out I am of his and Eren’s closeness and kiss him after that?! What was wrong with me??_  At this point, Jean would probably take the whole night to wallow in self-loathing and attempt to get rid of the image of Armin’s lips on his.  _I don’t even particularly like him; how could my brain not stop me from doing something like this?!_

Jean grumbled angrily under his breath and turned his face to the right, away from the sight of all the other beds in the room. With his brows and nose scrunched, he decided he should just try to sleep.

“Pssst. Jean.”

Yeah, Jean should definitely get some sleep,  _but Armin whispering right next to him didn’t help at all!_

“What?!” he whisper-yelled as reply, whipping his head a bit too harshly towards the general direction of the source of the whisper.

“Move a bit and let me lie next to you.” Armin urged him, already leaning on his bed halfway, the mattress dipping down from the weight on the edge of the bed.

“What? Why?”

“Don’t question it. You are in no position to have a say in anything anyway for the time being.”

And that was when it basically would start. Armin would remind him of his godforsaken act in the most unwanted times and lecture him for his idiotic behaviour. Jean could already imagine all the scenarios.

“Oh, geeeeez.” Highly reluctantly did he clear some space for Armin to lie down on. Armin airily used every inch of that space given to him, and even a bit more. He cuddled into Jean’s blanket, legs pulled up and most of his face hidden behind the cover.

He might look shy right now, but Jean knew Armin was denouncing him.

“You stole my first kiss, you know?”

“I know! You don’t have to remind me of it in the middle of the night! Is that the reason you’re here?! Leave me alone!” Just him becoming mad so fast and barely containing his hissing whispers (when actually he had no right to do this, since everything had been his fault), added up to the ridiculousness that coiled up inside of Jean. For now and for the rest of the week. Probably.

“Stop neighing, I am the victim here.” Armin was freed from any borders of shame or awkwardness that used to lead him a few hours ago.

“Whatever. If that’s all you want to tell me, then go back to your bed. I’m actually trying to sleep.” Jean grunted with annoyance lacing his voice, one arm bent behind his back to support his head while he faced Marco’s side again, sullenly scowling into the darkness with tightly pressed eyelids.

“Jean.”

“What? What is it?!” Not turning around, he rather spat his words in the direction of his sleeping freckled friend who was totally innocent in all this. If only he would know how badly Jean had fucked up he would act like a mother trying to show support, as if Jean had come out moments ago.

“Do it again.”

“What?”

His now opened eyes were back on watching Armin’s gaze. Not that there was much to figure out anyway, but the current serenity revolving around him didn’t give Jean confidence.

“You’ve already fucked up, so where’s the problem in doing it again? Either you don’t kiss me at all or you do it properly. First isn’t an option anymore, so we have to choose option two. Kiss me properly.”

Now that there wasn’t a wall in Jean’s vicinity, he desired to bit his tongue and choke on it, as long as he could escape from this spinning hell.

_Wait… what, why… huh, the fuck?!_

“Why are you spilling such nonsense out of nowhere?!”

“Well, technically speaking it isn’t out of nowhere. May I remind you again what you did today—”

“Armin!”

“Just one kiss! One proper kiss. You can’t leave me in a state of uncertainty. You know this isn’t in my nature. Take responsibility for your mistakes.”

Whatever kind of almighty power might be up there, Jean prayed for an absolution after all this nightmare would finally be over. He groaned out a sigh, twisted between dropping this bullshit and accepting that Armin wouldn’t leave him be so soon, and complying in order to finally get his peace.

The latter sounded faster to be done.

“What about your shit-ass Eren?”

“Eren and I  _aren’t_  a couple. Just because you don’t have close friends it doesn’t mean the way Eren and I are acting with one another is gross. Quit that idea.”

“Well, whatever. One kiss you said?”

“Yes.”

“Ugh. Fine.”

The awkward silence that stretched in time due to stupid fucker Jean not taking action right away weighed him down more than it did to Armin. He sedately waited for Jean to move his lips towards his own ones.

And so Jean did, after a while. Kissing Armin less sloppier than the bastardized kind of a smooch he had forced onto the clueless blond in the afternoon.

Jean did take care of how he was giving that kiss. It was warm and fond and actually felt okay. Armin seemed to think that too because he released a satisfied sigh to this through his nose, head tilting to fit better on Jean’s lips. There wasn’t much movement at first, but when Armin shifted a bit and Jean did the same, they had suddenly found themselves grazing the other’s head with their fingers, intensifying their kiss deliberately.

It wasn’t much; a vaguely passionate kiss, but what striked Jean and probably Armin, too, was the fact that it didn’t feel so wrong at all. They enjoyed it without ever daring to say it out loud. Given that this was only their second time doing it, they considered their skills better than average.

They dwelled on their kiss a little bit longer and neither one knew who it was having ceased it, but it was right before tongues would have been added.

When they parted, a dust of pink had patterned Jean’s face and he looked at Armin’s retreating face through hazy eyes. Armin had signs of flusterment as well, though not as distinct as Jean’s.

Jean’s heart throbbed in his ears and he found that he had really really liked it.

Yet another thing he shouldn’t be feeling.

“Okay, thanks.” And with those mere words Armin climbed off Jean’s bed and stalked back to his own one.

Jean wanted to say somehthing, but couldn’t find any words, even less his voice. So instead he watched how Armin’s silhouette headed for the beds on the other side of the room.

“Armin, what are you doing down there?”

Out of the blue, Eren’s obnoxious voice sounded off and gave Jean one more reason to just drop dead the instant.

He was cursed to never ever get any rest again, right?

“Eren? Why on earth are you awake?” Armin behaved quite normal, unimpressed, despite of the fact that he had kissed Jean just now.

“Where you by Jean’s side? Did horseface do something annoying? Shall I punch him in the face? Did he do something to you?”

Jean was so close to rise from his bed and punch Eren first, already glaring at the other blurry black figure standing upright on the bed that also belonged to Armin.

“Calm down, Eren. I just had to tell him something.”

“And that couldn’t wait until tomorrow?”

“No. Now, go to sleep. You know Shadis can tell when you are sleep-deprived.”

“Do I really look  _that_  ugly with dark circles under my eyes?!”

Jean was so close to answer with a ‘You always look ugly!’, but opted for not doing so.

“Yes, you do. Go to sleep. You don’t want to go through scolding tomorrow, do you?” Taken from Armin’s voice, he had reached his own sleeping spot by now.

Eren groaned and seemed to have thrown back his body onto the mattress, eliciting a dull plumping thud.

Jean adjusted his covers and laying position, willing away stressful feelings with vacant glares.

All he wanted was to forget today’s events.


End file.
